Jan. 6th, 2009

kiki_miserychic: A Dinosaur and Kate Spade Shoes Fairytale (Default)
I had another doctor's appointment. She said I did a lot of healing this week and it's looking great. It's to the point now where I won't have to have skin graphs. Last week they mentioned that I might have needed it to close up the skin over the muscles at the bottom of the wound because it was tunneling. I asked about physical therapy because they mentioned it last week, but the doctor said it's difficult to tell right now because I still have a ways to go before we can discuss it. That pretty much ends the good part. There's a secondary wound on the back of my thigh now. It's not the exactly the same as the first; it doesn't look the same, but it hurts the same. They put antibiotics on it and a dressing, telling me to call if it got worse. The whole thing has me freaks out again. They didn't do any tests or take a sample, so it can't be that bad. I'm just freaking out because that's been my general state of being for the last month. Freaking out and terrified of dying some awful death.

Most of the doctor's at the hospital thought it was an insect bite, while some thought it was a puncture from a scrape or something else, but there was never a conclusive answer. It wasn't the original wound that was the reason it was so serious. The infection was the major thing. The MRSA was what caused the whole thing. I flipped my shit when I came home and had everything cleaned from bleaching my clothes, sending stuff to the dry cleaners, sanitizing everything, and everything, so an insect bite is unlikely if it's happening again. I would have sprayed a thin layer of Purell all over the house if it was possible.

I'm feeling really screwed up, more so than usual. Libby brought up that I haven't let many people touch me at all. Before all this I was weird about people touching me anyways. If I'm not expecting to be touched, I flinch. Libby said I've become every weirder about it. One of my friends made a comment about it a few years ago because I would shrug his arm off my shoulder and he took it personally until he finally asked me about it and I didn't even realize I did it. Lately I only let the nurses and doctor touch me and I snap at my family when they try to hug me or anything. For a few days in the hospital I was told not to touch anyone because they weren't sure what I had and they thought it might be contagious. I guess I took that a bit far, even after they said I was cleared. I haven't voluntarily touched someone else in a month. I haven't had anyone over to the house and I barely talk to my friends on the phone. I'm only really talking to Amanda and Cassey. I made plans to go to Amanda's and watch a movie, but now there's a second wound and the doctor said it would be best if I stayed home until everything was checked out. I've forgotten what some of my friends look like. I'm pretty sure whatever I had going on with J. is over because I didn't tell him I was in the hospital and he found out from someone else. He sent me a bitchy text message saying that he never felt close to me emotionally. In that whole string of texts he never once asked me if I was ok. He knew I was still in the hospital, but he thought it was a good idea to have a text argument with me. He knew how I was before we got together and I don't feel to bad about because he has another girlfriend. When I'm honest with myself, I didn't call him and I didn't even think about it, which says something. I don't miss him much either. I miss other people way more.

So now that I've puked my emotional guts out have some VID RECS:
[livejournal.com profile] charmax's It's Not Over Yet (Merlin) - Amazing construction and editing of motion with skilled implementation of symbols.

[livejournal.com profile] lsketch42's Crackdance (Supernatural) - A cute and fun vid that is extremely rewatchable.

[livejournal.com profile] obsessive24's Red (Merlin) - The imagery and feeling of predestination is startling with the tone of the vid and the tension.

[livejournal.com profile] talitha78's Creator (Chuck) - With so few Sarah Walker vids, this one says something interesting with the footage using the Intersect imagery and slight glimpses into her internal emotions.

[livejournal.com profile] tearful_eye's Dido's Lament (Stargate SG-1) - Sadly beautiful editing with swaying motion, like a quietly hard lullaby.

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